Nothing blocks feelings of gratitude more than anger and resentment. That's why the practice of gratitude requires the work of forgiveness.
We can't feel grateful to our parents for what we received from them when we are still angry about their abuse, self-involvement, insensitivity, alcoholism, or neglect.
Nor can we receive the gifts of a relationship that has ended when we still feel hurt over betrayal, angry over deceit, sorrowful over abandonment.
Nor should we. Trying to force ourselves to feel grateful when such strong negative feelings exist only compounds the injury.
We have been hurt. Let's not delay our woundedness on top of everything else.
Healing, in the form of acknowledging the grievance and grieving the loss or wound, needs to happen first.
However, there comes a time in the process of emotional resolution for forgiveness. For only forgiveness can move us out of the victim stance and free us to move on.
Depending on the kind of wound you have suffered, this may be deep psychological and spiritual work.
No one can talk you into it. No one can do it for you.
Only you can come to the place where you want to forgive.
What helps the forgiveness process is to understand that resentment is a second-hand emotion, a cover for underlying feelings that have never been expressed.
That's why it is useful to do a practice called "A Damage Report." In a letter (that you never send) to your abuser, write down all the effects the wounding had on you, in as much detail as you possibly can.
Don't hold back.
Then create a boundary, something like: I will get up and leave the room if someone is verbally abusing me, or, I will not stay with anyone who is abusing drugs.
This will help you develop trust that you will protect yourself against such circumstances and people in the future. Then write a note of forgiveness to yourself for not having stated your boundary before, and a note of thanks to the other person for the learning, so that it won't happen again.
Forgiveness leads to gratitude, and not just gratitude in general but, in a beautifully healing movement, to an outpouring of appreciation for the very things that caused such pain in the first place.
Thus is our suffering redeemed.
____________________________________________________________________
As most of you know, in regards to my situation, I continue to strive for inner peace in every avenue available to me. I have reached a point where the forgiveness process has indeed brought me to a higher plateau. A feeling of certainty...a forever feeling.
I believe that forgiveness is a life long process and a very difficult one. I will continue to work emotionally, spiritually, with self and in deepest prayer, implore that I may arrive at a place of higher understanding, regarding who I am and how I wish to live the rest of my life. Being blessed with free will, I believe the human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it, and through our own individual choices, many paths lie open before us.
In this truth, I find moments of Peace.
Thus, my raison d'etre.
I wish you all Peace and Love!
Solid
